There comes a point in life when everyone around you starts getting married, having babies, or both – there’s always at least one pregnant bride in each friendship group!

Now, though you wish them all the luck in the world, things change. Babies take time and effort, and if you want to stay friends with a new mum or dad there are things that you need to learn. Parenting is an elite club, and as a childless friend there are some things that the members of this club will do that will completely baffle you.

Here are the things you didn’t know before your friends had kids…

  1. All babies are beautiful in their parent’s eyes, even though most of them look like cross-eyed, misshapen, lumpy potatoes to you.
  2. You can never question the newborn’s name, no matter how ridiculous it is (yes, even if it’s a car make/type of alcohol) and never, ever mention if you knew someone horrendous by the same name. Ever.
  3. It’s possible for parents to spend over two hours discussing the pros and cons of different brands of nappies.
  4. No baby hairstyle is too outlandish, even if it incorporates 8 sparkly scrunchies, 14 Peppa Pig hairclips and hot pink clip-in extensions.
  5. There are several million new occasions you need to buy gifts for. Thought it stopped after the baby shower? Don’t forget, you need to remember the new baby presents, the birthdays, the Godparent gifts, Halloween sweets… Good luck with the Christening gift ideas too!
  6. Every child is a genius, according to their parents.
  7. No amount of baby pictures on Facebook will ever be enough, and as a good friend you will be tagged in all of them.
  8. All Facebook status updates from now on are about the kids. Every. Single. One.
  9. Toileting habits are somehow now an acceptable thing to discuss in public, but only when the focus is less than five years old.
  10. It is now no longer ballet, football, choir and swimming that are acceptable recreational activities for kids. Now yoga, astronomy, ‘expressive’ dance and snowboarding are all widely attended and perfectly normal.
  11. Ick is a relative term. Vomit, bogeys, poop and ear wax are all acceptable things to touch with bare skin, as long as they belong to their little bundle of joy.
  12. Nothing a child does is ever weird or abnormal. Even if it actually is.
  13. Mary Poppins was not the only owner of a TARDIS-style handbag. Watch as the mum produces a first aid kit, wet wipes, one toy per child, earplugs, several figurines, paracetamol, ibuprofen and a foil blanket.
  14. A snotty nose is worth going to A&E for.
  15. You have to book in visiting time between feeding and sleeping, which almost always overruns.

Anything else to add? Leave a comment below!