Diamonds fix everything.  Like a good defense attorney, Cartier and Tiffany can acquit nearly all wrongdoings.  As dazzling and mesmerizing a good diamond can be, the diamond will also serve as a constant reminder of the wrongdoing.  It’s a “Sorry I screwed up, but I’ve bought your forgiveness, so let’s repress this for the rest of our lives” gift.  Diamonds can also be used to pacify or divert an ultimatum, and Mr. Sexyback has just figured it out.

To dispel cheating rumors and as a show of grand romantic gesture of the year, Justin Timberlake gave Jessica Biel an engagement ring, which later revealed by sources to be a “Shut Up” ring.  Biel reported to have broken up with Timberlake over the lack of progress in their relationship, the constant rumors testing Timberlake’s faithfulness, and the nagging ticking of her biological clock.  She gave Timberlake an ultimatum to either “put a ring on it” or she’ll leave him for good.

A little soon to be trying on wedding dresses...

So Timberlake did what he thought any reasonable man would do: he gave Biel a diamond ring to pacify her.  It looks like Timberlake has a lot more to learn.  With a constant reminder on her finger, Biel will sure send gentle prodding to her betrothed on setting a wedding date.